You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
