Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
