I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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