I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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