508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
