I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
