He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
