Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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