she looked like the bat from fern gully.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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