He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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