I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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