You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
