and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
