Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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