You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize