Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
