You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
