I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
