Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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