my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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