last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
