Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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