I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
