I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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