if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
