Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
