wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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