see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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