Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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