True but thats because hes a fetus.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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