I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
