dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
