i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
