Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Randomize
