It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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