I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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