....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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