i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you will always have a special place in my vag
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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