I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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