i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize