Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You made out with two different species that night
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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