I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
