My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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