is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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