oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
