I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
