Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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