$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
