Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize