Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize