You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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