rhymes with "ouble enetration"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
