You're completely useless in the revolution.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she pinky promised me she was 18
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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