2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
