Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
