You're my little dorito
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Couch. On fire.
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