Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You're earring is so big in my mouth
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
