I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize