respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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