yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
