You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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