Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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