I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize