he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
