I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i will never coherently bang her
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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