Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
