so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
