'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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