Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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