I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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