if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
