Are we in a gay sports bar?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
