she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
