What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
