turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
