Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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