very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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