Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
