my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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