I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
