she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
