capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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