Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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