I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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