I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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