Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
