I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
