how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
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