I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize