Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
