you have to choose: penises or morals?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
