I'm passing your future prison.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
