maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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