youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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