Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
