been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
