I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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