I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
