Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
