This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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