i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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