So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
